CRASH POINT
Words: Anonymous
I am feeling lost for words and more over I have never felt so miserable, unhappy and wrecked from within myself. I feel a world has totally destroyed and I have to build it all over again from the beginning. To others I may seem a bit normal but I know that I am not the same person who could laugh at jokes and pretend to be a cool girl. I am totally destroyed. To my enemies this may be a good news but they too will have their down fall and their bad time shall soon come. I speak evil for them for I believe an eye should be punished with an eye, and that is the law of nature and religion. For blood is blood equal. I have been surrounded by so much darkness of the environment of the constant negative stuff I hear and take in that I really am not sure of my own self anymore. One moment I am laughing the other the tears will not stop. I am trying to hang in side & be strong but the more quickly one gets destroyed, the more harder and longer it takes to build back, especially if your entire world has collapsed and broken down. It is easy to give an advice and it is harder to follow an advice, only if the heart and the soul connect. When these two meet everything is possible in a positive way.
I have been wanting to write this for so many days, I keep rewinding the words back and forth and look back where the past few months have gone. Has it gone in drama and all lies or did something positive come out? maybe the lessons we learn in life are tough, I failed to see anything positive out of it, except the classic line " you learn your lesson, so don't repeat it again." Easier said than done.
Honesty to me meant the world but it seems the world we live in, the majority of people are nothing but liars and people who wear a mask, they are cold, selfish and only players. Friendship itself has lost its meaning, its more about using each other only for convenience, the hearts are full of dirt and honesty. Everything has lost its true meaning, including love.
Achievements in life over taken by jealousies, games, lies and more lies. I look back and hear those voices calling me, maybe it was better when I was a child, I was not aware of the surroundings and of what was going on in my life. I was more disconnected and was innocent. I did not have any expectations from anyone. Over the past few months in the last month I came across the tragic death of American guy who committed suicide online, showing the world he is committing suicide on webcam. What could have been the possible reason to drive a 19 year old to take his own life? In the past few months I have seen more of my friends have break ups and shatter as people, they are not the same anymore, they had expectations, they are crying, they are miserable and sad like me. But my battle is more individual and has no companions. Lucky are those people who have someone to cry for, someone to wait for, someone who to love for. And unlucky are those, who do not have anyone to look forward to. Unlucky are those people who not appreciate relationships and take everything for granted and think they deserve it when they haven't done anything to deserve it in the first place.
One sided love or friendship is very hurtful and one should break off such a relationship which has such symptoms. I personally speaking believe it is best to be alone and only have accomplices rather make friends because in the end, those who you meet as true friends, don't let them walk away, appreciate them, seize them and love them. We live in a time of materialism and capitalism and with technology advancing day by day, it is not surprising to see that there is more competition in seeing who is what. Life is more like a robot, on a robotic stage, the value of a human being is fading away.
This post is dedicated to my friends who have suffered in pain in love, when they got betrayed, this is dedicated to me who is at a crash point in my life. When silence wraps your body and your soul, you need to learn to love yourself and hear yourself, become your own friend. When nobody wants you anymore, you need to laugh at yourself and tell yourself it is not the end of the world, God has created good people only for good people not for the bad creation. You have to build faith in yourself and not give up. You may travel a journey of loneliness but in the end you will find your companion. Patience hurts because it means you need to be alone for a long time. Your world is broken and you have to start again, because you trusted him so much, because I trusted him so much and never thought he would ever betray me. Because you loved him so much that you forgot your own self. Because love is not a fairy tale but a reality which most people do not wish to see, only use it and leave.
Suffering from depresssion, bipolar and mental illnesses can be very difficult and what one forgets is that it is humans who gift wounds and pain to another and when the person gets to a third ,it is the third peron who is blamed and the anger and pain inside the heart is thrown out and the third person.
Circle of life, my Almighty Allah has sketched this world in a very weird way but that is something He knows best. When no one understands you, talk to God, he is only a breath away, He is always watching and hears you, cry out, for in the end not everyone will walk with you to your journey, you may walk with them and love them and give them the support, but it is not important they do the same.
Crash point, I can not promise another post on this website soon but I hope I make a come back soon.
"You are wrapped in pain,
For they can not feel it
But only you,
For pain can not been seen
But only felt,
If left alone today,
Do not panic,
There is a lover out for you too,
Who can feel this pain,
With their true heart
